


a moment of desperation

by DesertLily



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Elias gets Ceaseless Watchered, Eyepocalypse, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Gender Non-Conforming Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Hurt No Comfort, Inspired by Life Is Strange, M/M, Nonbinary Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Post-Age of the Beholding (The Magnus Archives), Spoilers for The Magnus Archives Season 5, The Magnus Archives Season 5, They/Them Pronouns for Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27442414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: Jon knew deep down that there really was only one way this could end. They could save the world but it would come with an impossibly high price.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	a moment of desperation

**Author's Note:**

> Tragically, the title is from a Mark Jefferson quote. I'm not even remotely sorry for this fic

Deep down, Jon knew things would always end like this. They had never had a real chance at a happy ending. Why would they? Everything so far had been tragedy after tragedy. They had been robbed of a happy ending the second they had signed the contract and accepted the position of Head Archivist. If they could, they would go back in time; they would scream at their younger self not to sign it! But then...Wouldn’t things just play out the same? Only with someone else playing Jon’s role? And the role of Archivist was not one they would wish on anyone. 

Through everything, they had Martin. God, he deserved better than this. He deserved better than  _ them _ . He was good in so many ways that Jon was no longer capable of being. He had loved them for so long and had stuck with them through so much. Jon knew they had never deserved him. They never would. Because Martin was just...good. He had stood by them through thick and thin - even when they had by no means deserved him. Jon couldn’t remember the last time they had been at their best, but Martin had loved them at their worst. 

Martin was their drive for doing this. No matter how hard things got or how impossible they felt, they had him. He hadn’t left them. He was Jon’s reminder as to why they were doing this; because there was hope. Amongst a world built on fear and nightmares, there was still something good left to fight for. Without him, they weren’t sure they would have made it this far. It would have been easy to just...give in to the Beholding; to accept their role in its domain. After all, Jon had been using its power this entire time. They had been benefiting from it.

The journey to the Panopticon had been long, tiring, and felt like never-ending. But finally, they got there. There was only one problem. Jon had no idea what to do next. They knew they needed to confront Elias -  _ Jonah _ \- but what then? Did they kill him? Did they banish him? Did they demand he tell them how to turn things back? There were too many possibilities and Jon was terrified of choosing the wrong one. There was too much at stake for them to pick the wrong one. 

When they confronted Elias, he had just looked at them with nothing but pure amusement. But Jon could still sense his fear deep down. No matter how much he tried to hide it. The Beholding gladly accepted that fear and Jon  _ thrived _ . It was almost intoxicating really. But Elias offered them nothing of use. He kept his words vague; useless. After all, this is what he had wanted. Why would he willingly help end it? Jon had long since given up trying to compel him. But there was one thing that he said that haunted them. “ _ You will never see the world restored, Jon _ .” Elias always spoke in riddles and they didn’t doubt that this was one of them. It was the use of  _ you _ that would not leave their mind. 

Still, they’d had enough of dealing with Elias for one eternity. “ _ Ceaseless Watcher, turn your gaze upon this wretched thing _ .” For he truly was wretched. Finally, the End claimed Jonah Magnus as his Archivist stared down at the nothingness left behind. Nothing changed. Why would it? It wasn’t as if Elias were some central hub for all of the fears. He wasn’t connected to them like -  _ Oh. _

_ Oh no _ . 

They hadn’t even realised that they were frozen in place until they felt Martin’s hand rest on their arm. “...Jon?” His voice was soft with concern. “What is it? What’s wrong?” There was fear in his voice that didn’t belong there. It always felt  _ wrong _ whenever Martin sounded scared. Jon was well accustomed to the fear of others at this point, but Martin was the one person he never wanted to feel fear from - even if his patron practically  _ begged _ for it. The fact it was fear for Jon made it even worse, especially now they knew just what was coming. 

Jon took a deep breath. “I-I can fix this.” They stared up into his eyes. “I think I know how to fix things, Martin; to turn the world back to what it was before.” They watched the way hope seemed to fill his eyes as he pulled them closer. “...But Elias was right.” 

Martin’s arms tightened around them, holding Jon close as if he had no intentions of ever letting them go. In all honesty, they weren’t entirely sure they would mind it. There were far worse things than spending eternity in the arms of Martin Blackwood. “Elias has  _ never _ been right. Not once.” He insisted. “He used us all and played us, but he’s gone now. We...We have a chance at a happy ending. Right? If you know how to fix things…” 

“I think I’ll die if I fix things.” The words felt like lead in their mouth. But they were true. They knew that deep down. “I was marked by all the entities. I brought them into this world - perhaps I can push them back out. I’m not an archivist, Martin. I’m an archive of every fear and everything it stands for.I-I don’t know what will happen to me after, but I have to at least try.” 

Now Martin’s arms held a vice-like grip. He was scared. But then again, Jon was as well. How could they not be? They didn’t know what they were going to do, but they needed to do something - if only because no one else could. “Then don’t.” Martin pleaded. “We..We could find somewhere peaceful - somewhere like another safehouse. Things won’t be the same but we can still have a life together, Jon! We still  _ deserve _ a life together.” 

They squeezed their eyes shut. “...Martin.” God, they wanted that. They wanted a life with Martin where they could just be happy; where they could be at peace for the first time. But Jon knew they couldn’t do that. They weren’t that selfish to just leave the rest of the world to suffer. Besides, Martin would have the chance to move on.  _ He would have the chance to have a better life _ . “I don’t think it matters much about what we deserve anymore. I don’t think it can be.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know.” 

“Please, Jon…” They wanted to give in. They wanted to indulge Martin and do what they could to keep him happy. But they couldn’t this time. It was better this way. It had to be. What other choice did they have? 

“Live a life without me, Martin.” Jon’s voice was barely above a whisper as they forced themself to smile. “Move on. Not just for me but...for all of us. Tim. Sasha. Daisy. Basira. Gerry.  _ Everyone this has ruined _ . Because the world still has a need for someone just as brilliant as Martin Blackwood.” They let their forehead rest against his, never breaking eye contact. “But it has long since lost the need for Jonathan Sims.” 

Martin’s face held nothing but heartbreak. “Let me stay with you.” His voice was desperate. “I...I love you, Jon.” 

Jon smiled for what would be the final time. “I love you too, Martin. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.” Then they closed their eyes. They embraced every mark and ruin that had been left on their body and soul, attaching themself to them. The Corruption. The Stranger. The Buried. The Dark. The End. The Desolation. The Spiral. The Lonely. The Flesh. The Hunt. The Slaughter. The Vast. The Web. The Extinction.  _ The Eye _ . All those that had plague them and everyone they dared to care about. Jon felt their connection to them all. Jon took a deep breath. They opened their eyes and they pushed them away. They had used words to bring them into this world so they remained silent as they pushed them out. As their hold on the world broke and their domains came undone, so did Jon. 

As the final pieces of the Archivist bled out of existence, Martin Blackwood was left standing on a high street in central London with the Magnus Institute fully restored in front of him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated! Or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr!


End file.
